Problems with Marriage

If you are experiencing problems with marriage, trust me, you are not alone. That being said, you may feel alone as you try to figure out the real issues and find a way to resolve them. And in many situations, that is easier said than done. But it is not impossible.

Many problems with marriage begin with unrealistic expectations on the part of one or both partners. This is particularly typical of people who get married when they are quite young or have not had previous long-term relationships. Unrealistic expectations inevitably lead to frustration, and can also lead to anger and disappointment. Perhaps some of the challenges facing your marriage are due to impossible expectations about the relationship or your partner. Let’s look at a few unrealistic myths which can lead to problems with marriage…

Hollywood Romance

Hollywood is the great perpetuator of romantic fantasy. After all, that’s what sells. Wouldn’t it be great if all marriages were as perfect or as exciting as they are often portrayed on television or in the movies? After all, doesn’t everyone’s husband leave a trail of rose petals leading to the bedroom, where there are at least 100 candles burning and another 5 dozen rose’s worth of petals strewn on the bed? (Seriously, where does anyone store that many candles?)

This fantasy idea that it should always be incredibly romantic can create problems with marriage. The reality is quite different. This doesn’t mean the romance has to end after “I do”, but it probably isn’t going to be quite as glamorous or extreme as it is in the movies.

Perfect Partner

It can be a brutal wake-up call when you realize one morning that the person you married isn’t as perfect as you thought. People who get married without really taking the time to know each other are particularly vulnerable to the problems with marriage which arise when they finally see the other person, warts and all, and realize that they have all sorts of flaws and short-comings.

Most people put their best foot forward in the early stages of a relationship. And some can hide their faults for quite a long time. To avoid problems with marriage like this really requires that you take the relationship slowly and don’t put your significant other on a pedestal. He or she will fall off at some point. You can bet on it.

Happily Ever After

Fairy tales are great for kids, but at some point, we have to recognize them for what they are: fantasy. While Cinderella and Prince Charming blissfully disappeared into the castle at the end of the story, we never got to see what happened inside those towering walls a few years down the road. No doubt a glass slipper or two got shattered when one of them was upset!

Marriage is not always happy and peaceful. That would be great but it is not reality. Conflict is going to occur. You are not going to agree on everything and in fact, you may find that you disagree on several things. That’s okay, if you are mature enough to recognize and appreciate that you are two separate individuals with different perspectives, values, preferences, needs and feelings. Once you can accept that, your problems with marriage will be a lot less challenging.

Don’t lose heart if you are experiencing problems with marriage. Check your expectations to see if perhaps they need to be altered a bit. Many couples find that by changing their expectations so that they are better aligned with reality, many problems will subside. If they don’t, then it is time to look deeper. But most problems can be overcome if both of you are willing to put in the effort.