Principle 3

“Dating and Relationships Aren’t About Winning and Losing – They’re About Learning and Growing”

Part of participating in the experiences of dating and relationships is getting knocked back every now and then. 

Maybe your flirtations will go unnoticed; maybe you won’t get asked back for a second or third date; maybe you’ll fall for someone and your feelings will go unrequited. 

Ouch. 

These things are certainly painful - but they’re no less necessary for that. 

The pain, in these situations, comes from a sense of rejection: when someone doesn’t return our interest, we feel rejected. And that hurts. A lot. 

Here’s the thing: what a lot of women think of as “rejection” is, in fact, anything but. It’s actually a fabulous (albeit painful, at the time) opportunity for learning. 

Please be patient here – I know that what I just said sounds almost unbearably optimistic, but really, I’m not trying to be smug. I’m just trying to impart a piece of genuine wisdom here, if you can get past how sickening it is at first! 

I’ll explain what I mean when I say that “rejection” is actually an opportunity for learning. 

Success in relationships and dating stems, for the most part, directly from your attitude. 

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Someone who is positive, optimistic, and enthusiastic – who doesn’t lie down and cry when things don’t go exactly how they wanted them to - is a real pleasure to be around. These people draw others like a magnet draws iron filings. 

Optimism is charismatic, there’s no two ways about it! 

And people who take optimism to the next level – who remain optimistic about life and their personal experiences even when things aren’t going to plan – are incredibly attractive. 

Everyone wants to be around someone who’s got her head screwed on, who doesn’t take setbacks personally, and who rolls with the punches. 

Here’s something that’s even better: when you learn not to think of dating and relationships as either being rejected or being accepted (i.e., as winning and losing), you’ll be able to grow as a person every time you experience a setback. 

People who think of a knock-back in the dating game as a “failure” or a “loss” are essentially setting themselves up for true, long-term failure. 

Why? Because, in their own minds, when they embrace this mode of thought, they themselves have then become a “failure” or a “loser” by their own definition! 

From that time on – as soon as you’ve internalized that attitude of winning/losing – every time a situation doesn’t work out, you’ll see the outcome of that situation as a failure. 

And before too long, you’ll start criticizing yourself, or wincing internally at your own “failures” … and before too much longer, you’ll have succeeded in paralyzing yourself. 

You’ll be too scared of “failure” to keep going in the dating game – and then where will you be? Probably not too happy about being out of the game; but too scared to get back into it. 

What a horrible place to be! 

The best way to get around this destructive mindset is to stop seeing the situation as a competition – whether that competition is with yourself, or with other women. 

Ever thought to yourself, “That girl gets asked for her number more than I do,” or, “She looks prettier than me,” or, “How come she always gets checked out and I don’t”? 

Well, if you do, stop it! 

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Dating and relationships are not about competing. 

They are not about winning and losing. 

They’re about learning and developing as a person. Every encounter you have with a man can teach you something about how to better yourself for the next encounter. That’s how you learn: from your mistakes (inconvenient, isn’t it?) 

This is how you can become immune to rejection – by refusing to see an unforeseen, or unhoped-for, outcome as rejection; by choosing instead to learn from that experience, and apply what you learn to your next experience. 

Once you’ve got that attitude sorted, you actually cannot be rejected - because no matter what, you’re going to get something valuable out of the experience. 

Imagine being immune from rejection! 

All right, so that’s quite enough of a cliff-hanger for now I think – I just wanted to give you enough information to know what to expect over the next few sections. 

Now, for Days 5 and 6 we’ll be talking about how to apply those principles to real-world dating situations, including how to attract a man and how to keep your relationship hot. 

We’re looking forward to teaching you the skills to claim the success you deserve with men!

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