Marriage in Crisis

You probably never thought it would happen to you, but suddenly you find your marriage in crisis.  You and your spouse are fighting a lot, or one of you has been unfaithful, or perhaps you have just simply grown distant over the years.  Regardless of the reason, you may be trying to decide what your options are.  You may be anxious, scared, angry, hurt or just feeling very alone.  So let’s look at some options if when your marriage in crisis feels a bit overwhelming. 

Take some time apart

For some people, when they are experiencing marriage problems, taking some time apart can give them an opportunity to gain much needed perspective.  When you are right in the thick of an emotionally charged situation, you may be too close to things to come up with effective solutions.  A brief separation can be beneficial in order to get your bearings and think through the best way to handle your marriage in crisis. 

Also, during this time apart you can determine if you really want to stay in your marriage or not.  This is a very difficult decision for many people and should not be made without a lot of thought.  Taking time apart can give you the space your need to think it through without the day to day pressures at home which often accompany a marriage in crisis.

Get into therapy

Going to a therapist can be very helpful when a marriage in crisis is turning your life upside down.  Therapy will not only provide you with a safe place to talk openly and freely, it will provide you an opportunity to problem solve with someone who is neutral and objective with regards to your situation. Family and friends may be willing to listen and give advice, but usually they will be biased in one way or the other, and won’t be objective like a therapist. 

Put your cards on the table with your spouse

Often when a marriage has reached a crisis point, one or both partners is unable or unwilling to take the risk of saying what they really want and feel.  Instead you are often both guarded or defensive as you try to navigate your way through what feels like an emotional minefield.  But if one of you takes the risk of truly putting your cards on the table, it may be the catalyst for much needed open conversations.  That being said, it may backfire also, and that is what makes it particularly uncomfortable for most people.  Only you can decide if the risk is worth it, and how you think your partner may respond if you try. 

File for divorce

Another option when experiencing a marriage in crisis is to throw in the towel and file for divorce.  If the crisis has been going on for a long time and shows little hope for resolution, this may be the best option.  Only you can decide if this is the best route for you.  But it definitely should not be done hastily, as the emotional and financial cost of divorce is often very high. 

Determine what changes you can make to improve your marriage

With a marriage in crisis the only person you can change is you.  You can’t change your spouse even though you may feel that is the best solution!  But the person you can change is you.  Marriage problems are rarely, if ever, due to one person.  It takes two to tango and two to create problems.  If you start making some positive changes your spouse will inevitably have to make some changes also.  Your spouse may not change as you would like, but if you make positive changes you can hold your head high knowing that you did, and leave the marriage with more dignity if it still doesn’t work out in the end. 

Only you can decide the best choice for you when a marriage in crisis is taking a toll on your emotional wellbeing.  Consider these options and trust your heart.  And know that many couples do find a way to get back on track.  Hopefully you will too!